hobbies of our lives

how have i gone so far?
how do i change what im not?
I pretend to be what others want me to be.
but all along its not me.
how do i reverse the effects of my actions?
how do i change thought?
make people think better of me.
im not this person.
im not this boy.
ive grown.
but not up just farther.
from what i should be.
my mistakes repeat themselves.
there is no comfort in friendship.
friends lie and cant be trusted.
two facedness and plasticness are what we live for.
backstabbing is just a hobby that we embrace with care.
we say were telling truth but our eyes say otherwise.
why cant we be ourselves?
why are we fake?
and
when will we begin to speak truth?